So the school holidays are upon us…
Remember when you were a kid and so excited at the thought of 6 plus weeks of sunshine stretching out in front of you?
I still have that excitement when the girls break up… a nostalgia for my own summer days… and even knowing that I am not going to be able to down tools with them, I look forward to having them around more and especially the lazy mornings, not having to get them up and nag relentlessly for the first hour of the morning until they get to school, the fact that my days are no longer restricted by the timings of the school run…
The reality however is different. School holidays are hard. They are days full of relentless parenting. And perhaps I find them harder than I should because I know this but I allow myself to forget.
I forget
- that the weeks before the end of term are phenomenally stressful. The exams (school/ drama/music), the days taken off work for sports days, swimming galas, dance shows and the rest; the teachers’ collections and gifts; the prizes that have been won by the same kids as usual, “we must have you over for a bbq” – it’s all wonderful but it’s frankly like the run up to Christmas and we start our holidays already frazzled;
- that the first week of holidays is hell – the kids are in transition, they’re letting off steam and trying to find a new rhythm and the reality is that all they do is fight and expect me to referee;
- the constant repetition of “what are we doing today, Mama?”, or “I’m hungry” or “I’m bored” or (me) “get off your iPad”.
- the stress of trying to provide constant childcare/entertainment whilst trying to get my work done around their needs and demands …
and don’t get me started on packing and organising for holidays away from home. That trip so excitedly booked at the start of the year and held up as a holy-grail… “2 months until we get to Spain/Italy/Cornwall” “Oh boy we need a holiday”… yadda yadda… – having to pack for the girls as well as organising care for the dog, holiday insurance, buying sun cream, stocking up first-aid kits and trying to use up the contents of the fridge and making something they’ll actually eat without resorting to takeaways
I’m beginning to think that holidays are actually more stressful than everyday life….
So this year, I have put together a plan… and I’m sharing it here in case it’s helpful – and to encourage you to share your tips so that we can all survive this insanity without ending up in one of those cute little jackets that tie up at the back…
- Be upfront about the fact that whilst they may be on holiday, you are not. So they will need to help out and work with you.
- Start them off by making 2 lists. A list of things they want to do (baking, board games, trips to the splash park, films at the cinema they want to see etc); and a list of chores, holiday reading, music practice etc
- Allow them to be bored. We were. Those endless summer holidays were marked by periods of boredom – I was always ready to go back to school in September. But boredom has a purpose – it makes us creative. We get outside and explore, we read books or take up a hobby. When I take the girls’ devices away they get shouty and angry for the first hour, and then they surrender and start using their imagination – they knit, or paint, they invent games… they are nicer to each other… sometimes they even make cakes, which is a win for me – but see rule 6 below;
- Whenever they say they are bored – refer them to the list. Be persistent and relentless. This first week, our conversations have gone as follows: “I’m bored” “What’s on your list?” “the list is boring” “Take another look” “I don’t want to do anything on the list” “Find something to add to the list then or do a chore”. It’s taken a week, but they’ve stopped telling me how bored they are.
- If they’re old enough – put them in charge of a meal. Even if it’s only making a sandwich at lunchtime. Kaia is currently getting very good at cooking pesto pasta… I don’t care if that’s all she’s eating… she feels empowered, she’s learning a life-skill and most importantly she’s not bugging me…
- Cooking is fine but the rule in our house is “a good cook always cleans up after themselves”…. but I am learning to accept that kids don’t see mess in the same way that we do… accept it… our house is “lived in” – it’s not a show home…
- Days out are great, obviously – as are playdates where their friends keep them occupied. For the other days, always plan at least one activity where they get out and run around – some days its a trip to the park or out with the bikes, sometimes it’s simply forcing them to take the dog out with me… they need to be outside and moving…. it gets rid of excess energy and settles the emotions (mine too)
- One more list – a movie list. We have a list of family friendly films on Netflix to watch. They can take it in turns to choose. No I don’t want to watch Daddy Daycare – but they do and if a) we can avoid a half-hour row before putting it on and b) they can get so lost in it they don’t see me sneakily reading on my ipad – everyone’s happy (well happier);
- Build in as much help as you can get. Someone offers a play date – take it; parents offer to take them out for the day? take it, even if you know they will be returned to you full of sugar and bouncing off the walls; that old paddling pool that your neighbour no longer wants – yes please…
- Finally, accept that we look forward to summer holidays with a tint of nostalgia and rose-tinted glasses. We seem to want to recreate that idyll for our children… but we can’t, because it never really existed. Life is messy. Living with people 24/7 is boring and stressful and irritating – however much we love them… and even if it doesn’t feel like it now, there will be days when we will actually look back on this time fondly and imagine that they were much better than they were … so we might as well go with the flow and enjoy it as best as we can…
